I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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