just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I understand Curling. That high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
