I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
