would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
