ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
