My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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