I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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