Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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