um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
