I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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