don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
