I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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