Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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