It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
