John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Randomize
