Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As shirtless as possible
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
