I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
