my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
