Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
