hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
