When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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