i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
