if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
