I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
