Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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