I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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