You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We need to get me chipped asap
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
