I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
