If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
