I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
