I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
