When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
