somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
