So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
