Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
