I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
smell my finger.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
