This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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