Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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