Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
