If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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