you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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