I wannas sexs uuuuu
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
