I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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