the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
