She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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