Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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