He kissed a someone with a penis
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
