I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
