I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
