is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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