i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
